From the four-year-old, just today.

Saying something we’ve all been feeling lately: “Papa, I wish you didn’t work so much. Because then you could do stuff with us more often.”

While on the toilet: “I’m pooping out food that I ate. Why does poop stink when the food doesn’t? The poop is swimming through the water. If it gets plugged up then we’ll have to use a plunger. That’s why we’ve got them. And you’ve got nail clippers to clip your toes, or fingers. And this bathtub is to wash you, to bathe in too.”

(earlier in the day, to me: “You look like a witch. You look really old. Which is funny, because you really aren’t.”)

T: “Tell me all the compound words you know.”
Me: “Uh, there’s a lot.”
T: “Tell me them. Tell me the ones that you KNOW.”

Clearly I’m a five-star cook.

Me: Did you eat your quiche?
N: Quiche? What quiche? I didn’t have any quiche!
Me: Yes you did! It was on your plate and now it’s not. I’m pretty sure you ate it.
N: I don’t think so.
(I get him another piece, and hand it directly to him.)
N: I ate the quiche. I thought it was a hot dog.

Glad we’ve got this figured out.

4-y-o T: N, I’ll tell you what a ghost is.
8-y-o N: What?
T: A ghost is white. You’re not white.
N: Neither are you.
N & T, discoveringly: We’re not ghosts, then!

(earlier, in the bath, they were playing some sort of game that involved a cyclops hurling rocks onto a ship (from The Odyssey), with Gilgamesh and Enkidu and Donkey Kong steering the ship after the captain was killed by the boulders. I think there were some other characters involved, but I was laughing too hard to tell…)

Bath-time conversations (aka, reading is bad bad bad for impressionable minds)

N: “God, Jesus, The Devil, and Buddha”
T: “God, Jesus, Kokopelli, and Nothing!”
N: “No, T, it’s God, Jesus, The Devil, and Buddha!”
T: “No, it isn’t.”

…slight pause…

N: “Mama, is kokopelli a friend of buddha’s? how do you know if you haven’t read that in a book?”

…yet another pause…

N: “Mama, aren’t God, Jesus, and Buddha religious customs?”

He understands biology all right…

Four-year-old T says to me: If I was a woman then I’d have the kind of breasts that you have. But I’m gonna be a MAN, so I’ve got man nipples.